There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
