I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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