my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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