we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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