NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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