I am spending my child support on dildos
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
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