i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
