I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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