i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize