I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
