i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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