I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
