stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
