I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
