my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
