Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
