I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
