My sheets look like a crime scene.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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