i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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