Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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