I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
