I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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