the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
