Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
True college students do jello shots in the library
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
