Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
