Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
