after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
