So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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