under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
