I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
birth control should be required to get into college
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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