he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Randomize
