So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
