He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
