Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I wish there were birth control emojis
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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