so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
