he wants to bone in the snuggie
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize