I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
