I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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