I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
