This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
