And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize