Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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