And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
