So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
