this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
