if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
