Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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