Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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