It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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