Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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