He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
