Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
