So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Come see our sink grown plant.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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