I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
