I'm so fucking centered right now
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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