and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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