Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
