i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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