My friends, they love my intelligence
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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