Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
