when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
