I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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