I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
