You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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