Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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