sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
