i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
