Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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