I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
