You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
