Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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