kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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