I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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