the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
