bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
