Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
