We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Randomize
