is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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